Thursday 2 July 2009

Oh bollocks...

"Men who drink four pints of beer a week could be increasing the risk of needing hospital treatment during their lifetime, a study has suggested. Researchers studied 5,772 Scottish men for up to 35 years.” BBC News, 2nd July, 2008

But what does the notional Scot in the figurative street think? We pretended to find out.

"Four pints a week? That can't be right. They probably mean four pints an hour."

"Beer's the problem is it? I'll stick to super lager then."

"Thank God I'm too pissed to take this all in."

"Naw, it’s forty pints a week, mate. It’s got to be forty."

And finally, we spoke to Finance Secretary John Swinney, desperately trying to keep the alcohol processing unit in Kilmarnock open...

"900 jobs at Diageo to go. Long-term consequences of alcohol use and its impact on public spending. Oh fuck, the contradictions are doing my head in. Have you got a drink on you?"

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