Sunday, 30 August 2009
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Monday, 24 August 2009
Saturday, 22 August 2009
It is thought the new plan, unlike the old plan, will focus primarily on overseas visitor markets which meet one crucial criterion - not being the USA.
Key points in the new plan include:
- Emphasise the key role that Scottish immigrants/scientists/inventors etc. played in the creation and development of any country that is not the USA
- Make up some plausible number of Burns suppers held every year in any country that is not the USA
- Point to the many bottles of whisky that every year are drunk by people who aren't citizens of the USA
- Studiously ignore the formation of the Tripoli Tartan Army
- Pray that something turns up
- Work on your cv
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Lockerbie release: "I'll be standing right behind Kenny", pledges Alex, "wearing my cloak of invisibilty"
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
A study of wild red deer on the Isle of Rum has found their ageing process can be dramatic and sudden.
Scientists at Edinburgh University studied a thousand of the animals, immortalised in Sir Edwin Landseer's portrait Monarch of the Glen.
They discovered that while males showed the first signs of ageing later than females, when it did catch up, their decline could be much faster.
The boffins observed that the deer became less wild the older they got.
"We noticed that instead of charging around, the older male deer preferred just having a nice sit-down or pottering about in the shed.
Older female deer spent most of the day looking for bargains in charity shops and having rambling conversations about how the young deer of the day are much wilder than they used to be, and telling anyone who'll listen that "it was all fields round here when I was a girl, actually it's still all fields, because we deer live in fields don't we?" etc etc"
Inside: "I came down for breakfast and said hello dear to the wife. I knew she was a deer because of the antlers sticking out of her head."
Friday, 14 August 2009
An MSP has raised concerns over a Grampian Police officer convicted of diluting his urine sample being suspended on full pay for four years.
Sgt Ewan McHardy, 41, was stopped for suspected drink-driving while off duty in Elgin in 2005.
He was found guilty on Thursday of tampering with his urine sample.
North East Labour MSP Richard Baker is asking why McHardy was paid for four years, thought to be about £160,000, before the case came to court.
The editor of The JT told Mr Baker : "It's quite simple, first the plod diluted the urine and then he spent the last 4 years extracting it. QED"
Thursday, 13 August 2009
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Sunday, 9 August 2009
I'm often tempted, but usually I resist the urge to comment here on matters foreign. "Foreign" in this context refers to goings on in That England.
Friday, 7 August 2009
Royal Bank of Scotland Group, which is 70%-owned by taxpayers, has reported a pre-tax profit of £15m for the first six months of the year.
The statement from RBS was downbeat, highlighting the £1bn loss after paying tax and dividends to the government and describing the results as "poor".
The investment banking division fared well, making about a £5bn profit, while high street banking had a harder time.
Bank chief Stephen Hester said "The retail banking sector remains problematic, with pressure on margins, forcing profits and most importantly bonuses downwards."
With this in mind and drawing on the public's investment in the bank through the bailout, Mr Hester announced a programme of re-programming the bank's network of cash-point machines.
"As of Monday, customers making a withdrawal will receive the amount requested net of a compulsory donation to the bank's bonus fund. "
In essence, this charge is very similar to the existing bank charge regime where we charge you £30 for a letter telling you you're a tenner overdrawn. We're just now making the fact that we're taking the piss more explicit."
"Please completely remove your card and take what little money we've decided you can have"
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Rocket sites 'could make profit'
A rocket test range on the Western Isles could be turned around to make a profit, the chairman of community landowner Storas Uibhist has argued.
The Ministry of Defence (MoD) contractor QinetiQ is to cut 125 jobs across sites linked to the range.
Ahead of a meeting with Defence Minister Quentin Davies, Angus MacMillan said consideration should be given to expanding the range.
Mr Macmillan told The JT: "I can't see any great difficulty in thinking up alternative, profitable uses for the ranges. Producing an innovative strategy doesn't require the application of a specialised skill set; one, say, associated with a narrow field of technological or scientific endeavour. I can't think of an analogy that applies to the current case of testing rockets but I'm sure it will occur to me later."
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
An extra £800,000 for a project promoting Urdu in schools has been announced by the Scottish Government.
First Minister Alex Salmond confirmed the spending ahead of a meeting of the Cabinet in the Western Isles.
The money will take the level of funding for the government's Punjabi Schools Fund to £2.15m this year.
Mr Salmond said the investment would help expand Polish education in schools, and lead to more people using the language.
He said: "The Chinese language makes an enormous contribution to Scottish culture.
"Hindi is a key part of Scotland's unique culture and history and it's incredibly important that we invest in its future."
In January, the Scottish Government embarked on a drive to become more bilingual, through plans including recruiting more Klingon speakers and encouraging correspondence in the language.
Inside: Things you never hear:"What did we do on Friday night? Nothing much, just a couple of pints then we went for a gaelic. God, I love a good gaelic me."
Saturday, 1 August 2009
A businessman who has smoked 30-a-day for decades is to maroon himself on a remote Scottish island in an effort to quit the habit.
Former merchant banker Geoff Spice is due to land on the small isle of Sgarabhaigh, off Harris in the Outer Hebrides, over the weekend.
Mr Spice, 56, will spend four weeks in solitude with only some books and the island's sheep for company.
It is thought that by the second week Mr Spice will be experimenting with sheep's wool wrapped in book leaves and by week three anyone passing close to shore in a small boat with 20 Marlboro will be able to name their own price...
Inside: No excuse needed:http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2amx7_rollerblading-alcohol-cigarettes2_fun