Green to move Ibrox assets to lockup for safe keeping

Mr Green insists: "I could be so good for you."

Rangers' saviour of this week, Sheffield-based businessman  Charles Green, promised fans this week that the club was in safe hands - and that his intention to put all the assets of the club in his lock-up was only a precautionary move.

Wearing a coat last seen gracing the figure of Arthur Daly in Minder, Mr Green told the waiting media :"I know that I look like some kind of 1980s throwback, but nothing could be further from the truth. Where I come from, Sheffield, it's perpetually 1981 and this camel-hair coat is considered the height of fashion."

Mr Green conceded that his management style might be considered a touch abrasive but would deploy his main security asset, a Mr Terry McCann, to hand out "a bit of a slap" to any critics. 


As he spoke, Mr Green confirmed that Terry was already removing Ibrox assets to the lock-up at the back of the Winchester Club to be stored alongside Mr Green's other investment "acquisitions": 12 Betamax VCRS, still in their boxes, and an assortment of 26" colour TVs, finished in mahogany veneer and already set up to receive C4 when it starts.


 Mr Green told the waiting media that he could let the TVs go for half a ton each, tell you what, make it a pony. I'm a fool to myself, I really am, Mr Green concluded.