David Cameron- what he really means: "Please stay with us Scotland, or fuck off, totally your call."

Mr Cameron, keeping his face straight, earlier

In a bravura speech today, defending the continuance of The UK, David Cameron remained in character throughout. 
Already, drama critics are trying to find out if The Oscars could include a new category:"Best performance of a politician saying the exact opposite of what he means."

" Its quite astonishing", gushed The JT's drama critic, Luvvie Mc Darling*,"here's a politician who knows full  well that Scottish separation would guarantee Tory hegemony in the rump of the UK for ever more, but he still manages to look sad about the prospect.Marvellous, darling, marvellous."
Mr Cameron managed to look dead sincere and sad throughout, never needing to squeeze onion juice into his eyes once.

Inside:* Yup, I know, sorry Viz.